<% Response.buffer = false %> CrimSong Online
CrimSong™ Online Alpha test

<% if (Request("length") <> "") then Dim w, maxstyle, maxwords, lenth, word, style ' OKMOT and CRiM SoNG GeNERAToR '------------------------------- Randomize Timer maxstyle = 13: maxwords = 5 lenth = Request("Length") 'note, must post lenght to this page Response.write "Generating CrimSong using rot13 encryption and bi-directional cluster read/write.." for x = 1 to 20 call wait(1) Response.write "." next if lenth <= 2 then lenth = 14 if lenth > 25 then lenth = 25 Response.write "

" for x = 1 To 4 * Int(lenth / 3) style = Int(Rnd * maxstyle) + 1 word = Int(Rnd * 5) + 1 Call words Response.write w & " " If x = 8 Or x = 16 Or x = 24 Or x = 32 Or x = 40 Then Response.write "
" Call wait(1) Next Response.write "
" Response.write "" Response.write "***********************************CHoRUS*************************************
" Response.write "" For x = 1 To 8 * Int(lenth / 5) style = Int(Rnd * maxstyle) + 1 word = Int(Rnd * 5) + 1 Call words Response.write w & " " Call wait(1) If x = 8 Or x = 16 Or x = 24 Or x = 32 Or x = 40 Then Response.write "
" Next Response.write "" Response.write "***********************************CHoRUS*************************************

" Response.write "" For x = 1 To 4 * Int(lenth / 3) style = Int(Rnd * maxstyle) + 1 word = Int(Rnd * 5) + 1 Call words Response.write w & " " If x = 8 Or x = 16 Or x = 24 Or x = 32 Or x = 40 Then Response.write "
" Call wait(1) Next Response.write "" Response.write "
[Repeat Chorus]

" Response.write "" For x = 1 To 4 * Int(lenth / 3) style = Int(Rnd * maxstyle) + 1 word = Int(Rnd * 5) + 1 Call words Response.write w & " " If x = 8 Or x = 16 Or x = 24 Or x = 32 Or x = 40 Then Response.write "
" Call wait(1) Next end if %>

<% if (Request("length") <> "") then Randomize timer:Response.write GetQuote( int(rnd*11) ) else Response.write GetQuote(6) %>
  Create next song of size
CrimSong™ Instructions
  1. Consume (on average) 10 alcoholic drinks of a strong nature
  2. Eat 1/2 lb of imitation crab meat (log form is preferred)
  3. Generate a CrimSong™ and speak each word in a staccato fashion
  4. Allow the absurdness of the lyrics to cause uncontrolled laughter and urination
  5. Repeat steps 2-5 until you vomit.
  6. You have now achieved the rank of CrabPuke Master I. If you wish to be added to the CrabPuke Master I list then to confirm and verify your status please send us a photo of yourself shortly after Step 5.
the original crims

Certified CrabPuke Master I
  • Jas Doot
  • Mike Dude-ick
  • Angry Jason
  • Rylan Glen Wesley Page
  • Andy
  • Tall Pete
  • Ryan Tomko
  • Dev4ia
<% Sub words() pun = Int(Rnd * 21) + 1 If style = 1 Then If word = 1 Then w = "Heep" If word = 2 Then w = "Peep" If word = 3 Then w = "Meel" If word = 4 Then w = "Reap" If word = 5 Then w = "Keem" End If If style = 2 Then If word = 1 Then w = "Hoop" If word = 2 Then w = "Koop" If word = 3 Then w = "Koom" If word = 4 Then w = "Loap" If word = 5 Then w = "Skoop" End If If style = 3 Then If word = 1 Then w = "Crim" If word = 2 Then w = "Ripe" If word = 3 Then w = "Gripe" If word = 4 Then w = "Crum" If word = 5 Then w = "opp" End If If style = 4 Then If word = 1 Then w = "Mike" If word = 2 Then w = "Sweet" If word = 3 Then w = "Neck" If word = 4 Then w = "Rum" If word = 5 Then w = "Srip" End If If style = 5 Then If word = 1 Then w = "fat" If word = 2 Then w = "Mike-o" If word = 3 Then w = "rice" If word = 4 Then w = "ripple" If word = 5 Then w = "boop" End If If style = 6 Then If word = 1 Then w = "scat" If word = 2 Then w = "lime" If word = 3 Then w = "why" If word = 4 Then w = "flab" If word = 5 Then w = "keeel" End If If style = 7 Then If word = 1 Then w = "Stinky" If word = 2 Then w = "laven" If word = 3 Then w = "froin" If word = 4 Then w = "skank" If word = 5 Then w = "ass" End If If style = 8 Then If word = 1 Then w = "Pimp" If word = 2 Then w = "grime" If word = 3 Then w = "flip" If word = 4 Then w = "mike" If word = 5 Then w = "ass" End If If style = 9 Then If word = 1 Then w = "Keim" If word = 2 Then w = "Crum" If word = 3 Then w = "old" If word = 4 Then w = "nuts" If word = 5 Then w = "chutnee" End If If style = 10 Then If word = 1 Then w = "poop" If word = 2 Then w = "flim" If word = 3 Then w = "chin" If word = 4 Then w = "nut" If word = 5 Then w = "rum" End If If style = 11 Then If word = 1 Then w = "lack" If word = 2 Then w = "boot" If word = 3 Then w = "scat" If word = 4 Then w = "scab" If word = 5 Then w = "black" End If If style = 12 Then If word = 1 Then w = "bop" If word = 2 Then w = "rub" If word = 3 Then w = "bun" If word = 4 Then w = "and" If word = 5 Then w = "him" End If If style = 13 Then If word = 1 Then w = "cray" If word = 2 Then w = "jimb" If word = 3 Then w = "choc-o" If word = 4 Then w = "rope" If word = 5 Then w = "chap" End If If pun = 5 Then w = w + "!!" If pun = 20 Then w = w + "...." If pun = 14 Then w = w + "?" If pun = 10 Then w = w + "," End Sub sub wait(pauseTime) theTime=timer if pauseTime <= 1 then pauseTime = rnd * .15 do curr=timer loop while curr < theTime + pauseTime end sub function GetQuote(index) if (index = 1) then GetQuote = "Rabbits on my feet, lick lick lick." if (index = 2) then GetQuote = "She smells like prawns. Cook the bitch!" if (index = 3) then GetQuote = "I got good news.. you're not gonna die." if (index = 4) then GetQuote = "Doggy doo. Smell.. smell.. cry!" if (index = 5) then GetQuote = "Dance with a fox, let it bite your neck." if (index = 6) then GetQuote = "Fat women.. RUN! Fat women.. CRY! Fat women.. WHY!!" if (index = 7) then GetQuote = "Piss on your leg, warm up your wallet." if (index = 8) then GetQuote = "Is it cold in here? ... BLEEEEEGHHH ARGGGUP!" if (index = 9) then GetQuote = "Mail man is here, where is my stabbing tool?" if (index = 0) then GetQuote = "CHINA!! CHINA!! CHINA!!!" if (index = 10) then GetQuote = "Kids scream when you drive over them in a truck.. who knew?" end function %>